A Tribute To Fred

Monday, January 29th, 2007
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People who have never belonged to an online community find it hard to believe that you can think of someone you have never met as a good friend of yours. They don’t realize that you can sometimes talk with them more frequently than you do with your own family.

My relationship with Fred is like that. Fred came to us from Amsterdam, so that is why I never met her face to face. I have all kinds of gifts from Amsterdam, because Fred is just like that. She loves to send little presents, she never forgets a birthday or other special occasion in our lives. Her sense of humor is intelligent, quick and seemingly never ending. She’s the kind of person that you want to be around. She is one of the kindest, most generous, most loving people I have ever “met”.

It was hard to get one up on Fred! If you sent something to her, she’d send something right back to you! And even when you didn’t send something, she still would have something in the mail for me! Yep, it was hard to outdo her.

Like me, Fred is a smoker. Like me, she found it really tough to quit, both of us having smoked for many years. Fred never complained about anything, she seemed to take life as it came at her. This time, life was coming at her in a battle for her life. She was diagnosed about a year ago with emphysema. Pretty soon, she was too weak to come visit our community. We all missed her frequent posts and her unfailing humor but we tried to stay in contact with her, even if she could not reply. We wanted her to know we missed her and had not forgotten about her.

I was extremely sad to receive an email yesterday from her son, who told me that Fred had lost this final battle. It came one day after I had smoked my last cigarette. I pray that stopping now has not come too late for me, as it did for Fred.

Fred’s life had great meaning. I want to be sure her death has great meaning too. Losing her has strengthened my resolve to stick with this. I know it is what she would have wanted for me. I dedicate my struggle to her. I love you, Fred.

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ABOUT THIS AUTHOR


rubyredshoes
I like the Wizard of Oz, as you can probably tell by my screen name. I love jigsaw puzzles, crossword puzzles, cooking and most of all, reading. My favorite genres are suspense and mystery. I live in Maine but was born and raised in Philly. I have 3 grown children and 1 marvelous granddaughter who keeps me young!

  1. Tracy
    January 29th, 2007

    That was a sweet tribute. I definitely understand that online friends can become very close to you. I’m so sorry you lost Fred, but I hope that her memory can motivate as many smokers as possible to stop. Hang in there.


  2. rubyredshoes
    January 30th, 2007

    I’m hanging, Tracy, thanks.


  3. meggieli
    January 30th, 2007

    Wow… I’m so incredibly sorry to hear that Fred has passed. I had no idea she was fighting such a battle. I know how close the two of you became over the years and across the miles. What many people may not understand, is that Fred entered Ruby’s world and made a difference. Fred has made Ruby smile over the years, offered sound advice, but most importantly, has been a true friend. Thank you Fred. Where I don’t know Fred personally, it’s hard for me to comment. What I have learned about Fred, I think we could all learn from. She was courageous, brave, understanding, and caring. On a more personal note… I thank Fred for being my Mother’s friend, and always offering advice, wisdom, and conversation. She will be missed, and may God bless her entire family and circle of friends.


  4. rubyredshoes
    January 30th, 2007

    Thank you Meg. Yep, she was a special lady.


  5. Chrebet
    January 31st, 2007

    Although Fred and I did have our differences from time to time, we always worked them out. I was lucky enough to meet Fred in person and she was a very sweet lady. I went to Amsterdam and mentioned I wanted a bellyring. Turns out her daughter in law did piercings so Fred arranged an appointed, had me pick out the ring and then refused to let me pay for it, she was very generous. She was so nervous while I got it done it was like having my mom there. So whenever I look at the ring, I always think of Fred. She also sent me a beautiful globe that plays take me out to the ballgame with a replication of Shea Stadium in the globe. Fred paid such attention to peoples interests and always sent the most perfect gifts. Even when she just sent an email with a picture of Wayne Chrebet, something related to the Mets or Nascar she may of come across.

    I am happy that I got to meet Fred, she will be missed.


  6. bren
    February 1st, 2007

    Thank you for this tribute Ruby, it tells the world what a wonderful person Fred was. I never met Fred in person either, though I wish I could have. She was truly a good friend. I was always amazed at how she remembered so much about all of us. Each morning I have my coffee and since the day I found out that we lost her, I think of her when I drink it. For those of us not in that community, Fred would leave me a cup of coffee in the mornings, she knew I could drink coffee all day long.
    She will be missed by us all.

    (((((Fred))))) because I know she’ll see this!


  7. Ausielad
    February 1st, 2007

    Thanks, Ruby, for saying it so well.

    Fred always sent me an email on my birthday (and at Christmas) but we had never met. She didn’t send a virtual card, she took the time to write an email that was personal and caring. I loved that !!!

    I was stricken when I read Michael’s post that Fred had lost the battle. She was just one of those that isn’t or wasn’t meant to lose. Yet life is like that, and we are all diminished by her passing.

    Michael’s loss is much more personal than ours, and I’m so impressed that in his loss he had time to think to let us all know. Many thanks, Michael, and our thoughts and prayers are with you.


  8. rubyredshoes
    February 1st, 2007

    Yes, I thought the same thing, Aussie. I told him I appreciated his writing to me and for stopping by our site. Knowing what Fred went through has strengthened my own struggle.


  9. Kirsten
    February 1st, 2007

    Daffy (Fred) was a great girl. Definately did pay attention to everyone. She knew I had a doll collection. Well, one year for my birthday a beautiful doll showed up on my doorstep.

    I had just sent her a postcard about a month ago to check up on her. I do hope she saw it and knew we were thinking of her.


  10. Stevie B
    February 5th, 2007

    I remember, quite out of the blue, receiving a DVD. Puzzled, I watched it, and realised that it was by (in part) Michel Bonset. Looking at the credits, I saw that Daffy had helped finance it. When I thanked her, she said that she had also bought a number of the DVDs. I know others from Mystery Net received a copy. So, not only did she help pay for the film to be made, she paid for her freinds to appreciate it too!

    I think it would be fair to say that she had a deep heart (and deep pockets too!)

    Rest peacefully, my dear Daffy


  11. rubyredshoes
    February 6th, 2007

    For anyone reading along, Michel is Fred’s son who made a movie and whom she dearly loved.

    Thanks for stopping in Stevie.


  12. Karija
    February 9th, 2007

    Thanks for posting this tribute. I used to be a mysterynet regular but have fallen off as time has gone on - but after hearing of Fred becoming ill, I tried to check the site regularly for news of how she was doing. I just logged into the site today, checked announcements, and saw the sad news.

    I was lucky enough to have met her twice and she was an amazing, sweet, and welcoming woman. I had a layover in the airport in Amsterdam and we had lunch together and shopped - the entire time she was trying to get me drink beer and sent me off to Scotland with a bag full of vodka drinks (I wasn’t quite 21 and she didn’t approve of the US drinking age!). On my way back, I missed my connection and Fred was kind enough to open up her house to me for a night. I have never eaten so well in my life! She very literally gave herself a scoop of icecream and then cut out HALF the box and put it in my bowl, fretted over me until I finished it, and then brought out the boxes of cookies and wouldn’t take no for an answer!

    When my parents sent her something for taking care of me, she responded by sending THEM gifts! We still have the tulips on display in our house and the nicknacks from Amsterdam have stayed with me throughout all my moves. She was truly generous.

    I’ll always remember her as the wonderful woman in the craziest, furriest, magenta-est coast/sweater I’ve ever seen in my life that took me under her wing when I was stranded in Amsterdam. She was a star.

    My heart goes out to her family and friends that have truly suffered a terrible loss with her passing.


  13. Ruby J
    February 24th, 2007

    It has been awhile since I visited mysterynet…and to read of Fred/Daffy’s death is sad. Though I never got to personally meet her…she was a friend none the less. Her heart was full of love, for her family (((Michel&family))) and her MN family. Like others, she sent me gifts and cards…she made me laugh when circumstances weren’t the best. In my mind is a picture of her, giving out cups of hot cocoa…serving it from an ironing board…wish’d I could have been there. You were one giving and lovely lady.

    …and hang in there redshoes…I’m proud of you…

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